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In our darkest moments, we could never imagine ever having another happy day; can you relate to that? It’s that feeling of the walls crashing in on you and all you can think of is how will I ever get past this, beyond this?
On such a day, my Coach, Fredi Baker said to me, “Elle, in the midst of all this, there is a gift.” I thought the woman lost her mind. I left the session feeling confused, angry, and very discouraged. How is it possible for me to see “a gift” in all this when I feel as though my heart has crashed, my life has lost its zeal…
What I know now, many years later**, is that in every moment, there is an opportunity. With every challenge we face, “fair” or not, there is a gift, for every “bad” situation we encounter, good will come of it. I know that when you’re in the hole and it feels and looks very dark, you can’t even phantom such thoughts.
What I offer, as cliché as it may be, “time does heal all wounds.”
A devastating divorcée could never imagine ever having “her life back”, never having that kind of love again, only to meet “the most incredible man I have ever loved”, years later. A loss of a loved one does “not heal”, we just learn to live with the idea that they are removed from our physical presence, yet, they are always in our hearts. Do you heal? In many ways, yes! Without realizing it, months, years later, you look back and realize, I did move on, I did smile again.
For me it took faith, time, patience, hope and perseverance. Overall, I also had to come into a whole lot of self-reflection. What I learned most was to spend every moment making the best of the most devastating situation. To live each day with purpose, gratitude, love and integrity. I know that all sounds difficult when you feel as though you can’t stop the tears, or you feel your whole life is falling apart, yet, it’s these same elements of understanding that will maintain your well being.
A brilliant friend once said to me, “your spirit has been broken”. I realize now that our spirit is in our smile, our eyes, our warmth, our love for others. When your spirit is broken, everything in your life seems to have lost its value, its excitement, its desire. But, be still, for it is just a temporary place in your journey!
Only you can repair and restore your spirit. Only you can hold on, one day at a time, making the best of things as you heal your heart. I know it’s not easy, and most days it certainly isn’t fun. Nevertheless, I am here to tell you that if you look at the gifts, the possibilities, the opportunities and the choices you have been given, you will realize that you are making your way into the next chapter of your life.
Every step you take today sets the stage for your tomorrow. There is beautiful light at the end of the tunnel waiting for you. Take one step at a time, remain positive and be ready to greet the next chapter of your life.
Wishing you all a
beautiful day filled with peace, joy and light!
~ eℓℓe ƸӜƷ
Success begins when you change wishing into doing! ®
**Original post date - August 4th, 2007
The Power of Self
On the first and third Wednesday of every month, at noon you can find me on BlogTalkRadio with my Co-Host Mary Anne Cipressy of ITSC Coaching and What's Up SWFL. Our show is called C.O.R.E. ~ Creating Opportunities For Real Empowerment! If you didn't get a chance to listen to the show live, all of our shows are recorded and archived for you to listen On-Demand at your convenience!
I am sharing this particular show "Use the Power of Self to live your Best Year Ever" mainly because of its very powerful topic. It's a topic that relates to all of us regardless of where we are on our journey! It is particularly important for those very early in their road to empowerment.
On the show we discuss the importance of truly knowing who you are and what you desire in life. The importance of knowing what you value most, what you desire out of life and how that knowing can truly drive you to a life of fulfillment and ultimate success! Conversely, in the absence of clarity of who you are, what you believe, what you value and most of all, what you want to create or become in life, it leads to stagnation, frustration, dis-ease and ultimately, overall dissatisfaction with the direction you are going in.
I encourage you to listen and find out why I said, "You're actually putting your value in the hands of someone else's opinion" and how it relates to you and your chance of living your best life!
My mission is to empower readers to see themselves in my writing and to utilize my experiences from my Professional Coach training to be empowered and motivated! I look forward to being the catalyst to you becoming the amazing person you were created to be; richly fulfilled, motivated, purposeful & happy!!
~ eℓℓe ƸӜƷ
Listen to our latest show "The Power of Self" along with "Self Belief" ~ both are amazing tools to fuel your ability to live your best year ever!!
I recently read a blog post on leadership and some quotes that reminded me about the infinite power we all have to be the best we can be! One of my favorite quotes is:
“We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act.”
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Along with my Christian beliefs, my core values and my own personal mantra of being true to my word, I believe these four simple agreements can be easily adhered to no matter what your spiritual beliefs are. So much so, that I always recommend this book as a guide for my clients at some point in their personal journey. I am pleased to say that for most of my clients, it has been life changing for them also.
- Be Impeccable With Your Word - Words have power. It's really simple; say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say something that is not in line with your beliefs to please someone else or for acceptance, you are not being impeccable with your word. Just as important, words are so powerful that they will carry on for generations, for better, or for worse. If you say something to someone, especially a child, be impeccable with your words; they have power. Words carry energy and can shift the way the other person, as well as yourself, views life, themselves as a person, their faith and their worth. Be impeccable with your word; it is the basis for integrity and without this consistent agreement, you will be in conflict with other virtues such as trust, respect and loyalty.
- Don't Make Assumptions - There is no fine line here; it is either a fact or it is not. I guess, I think, I believe, I thought, are all the beginnings of an assumption. To eliminate drama from your life, eliminate making assumptions. Ask questions, wait for answers, make your decisions based on what is, not what you think it is, or what you think the person is thinking or feeling. Ask questions, it will eliminate the need to make assumptions. With this one simple agreement, you will be happy to learn that not all things are what you think they are when you finally learn the truth about what is.
- Don't Take Anything Personally - One of the simplest, yet most complex of the Agreements. If you choose to see things as they are, it will be easier to see that not all things are about you. Choose to release the need to think so and you will be liberated to know, most things that you've taken personally in the past, actually have nothing to do with you! When you find yourself in this situation; step back, see things for what they are, face your truth or the truth about the circumstances and see if there is truly any reason for you to take any of it personally. It's a choice, only you can decide, it's powerful and it's liberating!
- Always Do Your Best - One of the greatest gifts I learned from this Agreement is that "your best" shifts just as you do. If you believe you are "this", then recognize that "this" will change and shift from minute to minute as you and your circumstances evolve. When you learn this simple agreement and shift your thinking to apply this concept to your own truth, you immediately stop beating yourself up. If your inner voice sounds something like this, "I am not this", "I don't have that", "I failed", "I am not good enough for that" or "I could never qualify", you probably have not been very fair to yourself and your potential. When you start recognizing, with optimum truth and integrity; "I did the best I could today with what I have available to me, based on the conditions of my life and my health in this very moment",everything changes! It is amazing how life can be when you see it for what it truly is. When you accept and acknowledge that life at this very moment has no attachment to expectations from others and especially to your past, you are free to excel and do your very best! It's all about right now, this very moment. Are you doing your best in this very moment? If your truthful answer is yes, that's all that matters! Go, get it!
“Your experience need not be first hand, to glean monumental inroads to learning, success and leadership. It’s about taking mental notes, fierce planning, loss of fear and simply executing.” – Tara Correll
tips for success: the tried + the true… In no particular order.
Proximity = speed: Seek out life mentors and draw from their wisdom. Study the habits that have led them to success: how do they do what they do? What makes what they do so seemingly effortless? Ultimately, with the right tools, hard work + habits, you will achieve your goals more expeditiously.
Model who you admire: There are great people in the world that possess positive qualities or habits you may lack: study, exemplify and embody those that feel authentic and work for you.
Charisma is an inherent quality that leaders are born with: Sorry, it’s not a skill that’s learned. Without naming names (His Holiness, the 14th Dahli Lama) charisma is an inherent gift. Those magnetic individuals who embody this quality attract followers and fans. You charismatic people know who you are, so please use responsibly.
Who’s on your board?: Your posse, your tribe, “your people”, identify exactly who they are. They are the trusted folks you defer to + surround yourself with. They will lovingly give you the real scoop, the skinny + the what’s what, but only if you ask. Side note :: They MAY NOT be your close friends or family.
With every challenge, there’s a solution: Feeling a bit “stuck”? Reach out to individuals who are getting things done, ask questions. BUT, know their time is valuable; offer to pay them a consultation fee, take them to coffee or lunch in exchange for their valuable expertise.
Be a student of life: Life is a classroom. There are opportunities for learning everywhere, everyday: be open to and conscious of what life presents. This includes personal adversity with people and situations. See it as gift from the universe created especially for your growth. Decipher + extract what’s to be learned, apply it and let it go. If it doesn’t make sense, it will later. Promise.
Practice proactive listening: As individuals we have lessons to learn and skills to acquire. I’m a huge fan of the “shut up, listen and learn” approach. Take notes, enough said. BTW: I am still working on this one.
Get clear about personal goals: Be realistic about what you set out to do, define expected outcome. Be systematic and clear about each action you take. Break tasks into small “doable” parts, stay on task.
Define what success means to you: How do you measure personal success? Are you money motivated? Love worthwhile causes? Require quality personal time? Get straight on your priorities. Define + create measureable benchmarks so you have a continual, quantifiable sense of accomplishment, whatever it may be.
Let go of tired inner + outer dialogue: Words + thoughts hold power. Let go of negativity and criticism toward others and self loathing toward yourself. Know that this behavior can create barriers to your ultimate success. Instead, practice using language that’s positive and nurturing. Who wants to be around someone who sucks the life out a room? Tip :: Take an inventory of the people in your life, positive people foster a healthy environment.
Don’t kick the tires in the name of perfection: Opportunity can be fleeting, better to have leaped and held on for dear life, than risk a missed opportunity. Please, when passionately pursuing your dream, go for it! If it’s meant to be, it will all play out favorably, it’s all a part of the learning curve. Believe me, I know firsthand.
Listen to your inner voice: Aka “your gut instinct”. It’s there for a reason: so listen + take heed. It’ll save you time and keep you from taking an unfavorable detour.
Stay focused, stay flexible: Progress is not always sequential, learn to be flexible and reprioritize if you hit a roadblock. Accept that as much as we wish to push forward, sometimes now is not the time.
Lead with your authentic voice, true intention + be clear about your motivation: If intention is King, then motivation is Queen. The universal law of attraction rewards authentic thought and action ie; if you’re doing what you are truly meant to do, in the manner you’re meant to do it, they’ll be lots more success + rewards coming your way.
Be a champion for others: Successful people give back: help without hesitation. Money, time, knowledge – offer up your talent + resources, help others better themselves.
For one-on-one coaching + workshops, please visit my coaching page: start here.
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Join me on Blog Talk Radio for our archived shows on how to live an empowered, productive and healthy life! Listen in and hear us share tips and tools on how to create a Self-Empowered Life!
Click to our page C.O.R.E. ~ Creating Opportunities For Real Empowerment & listen in to our last radio show featuring the topics of "I'm Stuck" and how our conditioning (upbringing, beliefs, etc.) can drive us to either stay there or move us into a new reality.