Powerful You! Women's Network

Why do we persist in clinging to people that are clearly headed from nowhere to nothing, with no motivation, concern or direction? Bound in jealousy, bitterness, selfishness, strife and defeat. Imprisoned in their own negative mindset. These same people are often cloaked in jealousy while smiling. All the while, you are the target of what they really hold inside. We need to wise up.

YOUR purpose in God is just that...YOUR PURPOSE. You cannot take anyone else along on the ride that was meant for you. We need to stop allowing the weight of others to hold us down. We are connected spiritually to this universe by design. In order to flow, we must flow in what we are designed to do. While riding the flow of the river stop picking up driftwood along the way. Selah.

"Be all you can be" doesn't just apply to the Army. We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when things get rough and tough. We all have problems, stresses and emotions. Honestly, it shouldn't even bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be.

I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are, still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful. The aspirations we have as kids should continue to live within us, hold on to the dream. They say "You can't teach an old dog new tricks", or can you?

The only time most of us ever look to improve is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it's not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it. Change will happen, like it or not. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life and look at ourselves for improvement. Not because the world says so, not because our friends are nagging us, but because we realize its for our own good.

Happy people don’t just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don’t have to feel a tremendous burden before realizing the need for change.  It is imperative that you release yourself from the cage of thought “It's just the way I am” or "I don't deserve to be happy". It's such a poor excuse and most of us program our minds like computers.

So, how does one become genuinely happy?

Step 1 is to Love Yourself.

Someone once said that “Loving means Accepting.”  To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections lies courage to discover ways to improve.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are content with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “How to be genuinely happy?.”

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, winning and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy.

How to be genuinely happy in spite all these? Every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, whether it is cleaning up your room, helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, fail on board exams and trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in sports. Every time you take a step forward, you are scoring points in life. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each day and think to yourself “Wow! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot”. Instead of thinking “Geez, I wish I had the guts to try out. We may have won!” and then walk away.

Genuine happiness isn’t about driving the hottest Formula 1 car, getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest pay, or beating the sales quota. Every one has his own definition of happiness. Happiness for a writer may mean launching as many best selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean a lot of money. Happiness for a business man may mean success.

So, really now, how do we become genuinely happy? Simple. You don’t have to have the best things in this world. Its about doing and making the best out of every single thing. When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling yourself “Oh, I’ll do better next time”, you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults, you pass step 1 in the process “how to become genuinely happy”. For as long as you accept yourself, you then can accept others, and you will also be accepted in return. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

Again, throw me that same question “how to become genuinely happy?”. I’ll refer you to a to a quote “Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But what most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughter over self. Because then you don’t just become happy, you become free.”

Dr. Joe Vitale, motivational speaker and author, often says: "the fastest way to get where you want is to be happy with where you are." Believe it or not, this mindset works! It may take some changes and soul searching on your part, but in the end, it'll be more than worth it to adopt this positive mentality.

While you should strive to make your dreams come true, concentrate, also, on yourself and your journey. When you spend less time wishing things were different and more time accepting what you've got, you've already found a sense of peace and happiness right there.

Here are some tips that can help you become who you want to be right now:

Feel gratitude. When you concentrate on the big picture, it's easier to exhibit feelings of gratitude. When you're grateful, you remain positive and appreciative of every joyful moment in life. Sometimes people get too caught up in a sense of entitlement, which leads to negative feelings. Concentrating on gratitude, instead, will get you where you desire.

Be optimistic. Some say that life is all about optimism. And it's true! An optimistic attitude is one of the few things you need to succeed. If you're trying to achieve a concrete goal, optimism will help you accomplish it. If you're trying to change your mindset, optimism will make the task easier. Optimism can be the driving force that keeps you going.

Exhibit the traits you desire. It was Gandhi who said that you should be the change you want to see in the world. With these wise words in mind, you can replace wanting with some bold action. With some persistence and perseverance, you can make it happen.

Adopt a prosperous mindset. Take a moment to determine what prosperity means to you. Are you hoping for money, a fulfilling career, or a relationship that lasts a lifetime? Know what you want, then adopt the right mindset. Once you do, you've then set yourself in the right direction toward your goals.

Find the silver lining. As you go through life, you will no doubt realize that things are not always going to go your way. But even in tough times you need to keep your chin up. Instead of allowing negativity to consume your life, seek out the silver lining. This fresh attitude can be the difference between being held hostage and achieving your goals.

Take small steps. When the place you're going seems far away and unachievable, it's important to break it down into small steps. Give yourself an achievable goal with a realistic time frame. Break that one down into smaller goals. When you avoid getting overwhelmed, you'll gain the confidence to persevere.

It's a good idea to practice one of these tips at a time until you've incorporated them into your life. Perhaps you can spend a week perfecting one strategy and, then the next week, add another one to your repertoire while continuing with the first one. Soon enough, you'll be a natural at all of them!

Once you choose a powerful and positive mindset, you'll find that you've already achieved much of what you want. Just remember: You already have the traits, mindset, and lifestyle you desire, and you know that success is inevitable, but only when you have the will to break through the obstacles in your mind!

Your Say Yes to Life Monday Motivator: Four Reasons to Give Yourself Permission

“Permission”.

While the formal definition of the word is simply “to give consent; authorization”, the word itself instantly evokes an experience – of longing, fear, held breath, hope, anticipation, second thoughts, resentment, anger, joy.

Permission is a loaded word, and one heavily burdened by the heavily patriarchal, authoritarian society that underlies the independence we flatter ourselves that we possess.

If we are so independent, then why do we run around asking everyone who will stand still long enough to listen to us for advice – yet consistently fail to consult ourselves?

If we are so independent, then why do we so often talk ourselves out of the very experiences we most crave?

If we are so independent, then why do we feel enslaved to our phones, our televisions, our relationships, our careers, and our refrigerators?

If we are so independent, then why is it so difficult to trust ourselves with our own lives?

While we may think we know the meaning of the word “permission”, this does not necessarily translate into our ability to extend permission to ourselves, or to live out that permission, once granted.

This failure clearly points to a lesson we have yet to learn.

The lesson is that we are self-contained, that we possess all the wisdom and brilliance we will ever need already, that we are a trustworthy source of advice and guidance, and that we can and must learn to live quite successfully on as small or large a scale as our heart desires on the strength of no one else’s say-so but our own.

No two callings are alike, just like no two people are alike. As women, some of us may be called to serve as global mentors and leaders to ease humanity’s hurt and provide hope, while others of us may be called to tend carefully and completely to the needs of tiny yet essential communities called “families”.

What we need permission to do and become is not nearly as important to notice as the fact THAT we need permission to do and become whatever it is that we are called to be.  And the fact that we need permission is not nearly as important as the recognition of whose permission we need and crave the most – our own.

Along the way to developing this understanding, however, we will have to do battle with our own mind before we can fully take in what our heart already knows – that we deserve, can and must gain our own permission in order to live the fulfilling, satisfying lives we dream of and deserve.

This week, for the sake of helping you to more quickly overcome your mind’s objections, I offer you these four simple reasons why you should give yourself permission.

Reason One: Because, ultimately, you require our own permission anyway before you will act.

Even if you have consulted your personal hero, your mentor, your therapist, and your spouse, and all have extended their permission to you to pursue a goal or take an action, as long as you personally remain undecided, even your best attempts to take action will remain half-hearted. The endless gathering of others’ opinions is merely an attempt to obtain your own. If you remain undecided, know there is a reason for it, and wait upon your heart until you are sure.

Reason Two: Because living a fulfilling life is all about becoming willing to take chances.

Usually if we are hesitant to grant permission to others or ourselves, it is because we are worried about failure. Thomas Edison once said, “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work.” With this attitude, our own permission becomes much easier to obtain and trust, even if it takes 10 or 10,000 tries to achieve our goal.

Reason Three: Because trust and friendship is only built through action.

The act of granting permission is at its core an act of trust and friendship. It is a lonely life indeed if we go through it a stranger and distrustful observer towards ourselves.  We can learn a lot here from watching how we are with our young children and pets. We know they are likely to piddle on the couch or carpet the first several (or several hundred) times we try to potty train them, yet we extend our permission over and over so that they may become willing and encouraged to try again until they succeed. Each time, we trust and believe that this will be the time they master the task. In the same way, if we want to ever experience trust and friendship with ourselves, we must extend our permission again and again, no matter how many tries it takes us to learn.

Reason Four: Because we already have our own permission.

While we may spend the rest of the day arguing with ourselves about how to spend the hours once we have arisen in the morning, the fact that we woke up and got out of bed speaks volumes about the permission we have already granted to ourselves to live, to make mistakes, to stretch and strive, to learn and to grow. It makes little sense to exercise the extreme courage it takes to get up and face a new unknown day, yet withhold permission to face a new unknown task, challenge, or opportunity. We already have our own permission – now we just need to grasp hold of it and use it.

With much love,

Kimberly

If you find that you are struggling to grant yourself permission, or to act on your own permission once granted, then Southlake Center can help. Our professional, caring, and highly trained staff has spent more than 20 years supporting individuals just like you to say “no” to staying stuck in the sense of fear and limitation and “yes” to stepping out into the light of your highest potential. Learn more about the many individual and group programs and services we can offer at www.southlakecounseling.com.

We all have them, so don’t pretend you don’t. As part of my journey to be “Fabulous and Fit by 50” I’m also working on my bad habits. Giving them up is going to be difficult, but admitting you have them is the first step. So here goes…

• Waiting for the “right” opportunity. Should I be "waiting for my ship to come in," while others are out there building ships? Waiting doesn't invite opportunities - work does. I’m training myself to take advantage of opportunities (like coaching with Team Beachbody) by always taking some small step the moment I recognize an opportunity. No more waiting. I’m taking this “leap of faith.”

• Procrastination. We know that often, "later" becomes "never." In order to stop my procrastinating, I’m getting in the habit of looking for and doing the easiest first step I can find. Often just starting will develop my motivation. No more excuses about working out. Get to it!

• Indulging one's laziness. I have little to say about this bad habit, except that I don't know anyone who has suffered greatly from forcing themselves to get up and do something. I’m going to start by doing something easy first, and if low energy is part of the problem (excuse), I’ll start learning a few techniques for boosting it, like deep breathing and singing. Get off the sofa!

Maybe you have heard the saying, "change your mind - change your life." How do you change your mind? A good start is to correct your bad habits, one-by-one. Why not work on one with me today?