Powerful You! Women's Network

How to Keep your Heart Open when you Feel Overwhelmed
By Pat Jones 

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that there’s a way of dealing with overwhelming emotions, those intense feelings that are so painful that you just want to shut down?  Well there is, and I want to share that method with you today. 

Tonglen is the practice of keeping your heart open, when everything in you wants to shut it down.  It is a method of breathing that can be practiced right in the moment of experiencing pain and suffering.  The underlying premise is that shutting down, or closing off your heart to the present moment, to whatever you’re witnessing and experiencing in the present moment, is the actual cause of your suffering.  By shutting down your heart, you immediately create a sense of separation and powerlessness.  What Tonglen does, is give you a tool to stay present, to stay open, to whatever is occurring.  It allows you to be greater than the pain of the present moment.  It expands and strengthens you. 

I think that we shut down and close our hearts, for two basic reasons:  Something is too much, or we’re not enough. 

We can experience something as being “too much” when we judge it as “bad”, or “too painful” to fully feel and experience.  It brings us beyond our perceived limits of what we can handle.  So the closing the heart creates a sense of separation, which is what our ego actually wants in that moment. 

The other reason why we shut down, is because we feel we’re not enough somehow, that we’re inadequate in being able to deal with a particular situation or experience.  Every time we give ourselves the message that we are not enough, that we are not strong enough to handle this feeling or experience, we disempower ourselves.  The ego loves that because it actually feeds on the energy of “I am not enough”. 

So one of the first perceptions that I invite you into seeing, is that there isn’t anything “out there” that is inherently harmful to you.  There isn’t a thought, feeling, experience, or person that can harm you from an energetic perspective.  It’s your reaction to, and perception of the energy or experience, that actually creates harm within you.  There was a perception that was created in the New Age of Spirituality that says you should inhale, or take in, only the positive, while you exhale, or release the negative.  This is actually the opposite of what you need to do to keep your energy healthy and flowing.  In that methodology, there’s a strong judgment about what is positive, or good for you, and what is negative, or bad for you.  Those judgments are made up of perceptions that fuel the ego.  Ultimately, in our Core Essence and in the divine realm, there are no distinctions of good or bad.  They only reside in the dualistic realm of our human nature. From the Heart Center, and that’s where we’re all learning to come from, everything just is.  Now that doesn’t mean that there aren’t very painful experiences, and that people who come from a very defended place can act out in very harmful ways.  That is absolutely true in the human journey, and that’s when Tonglen is most needed.  Coming from the Core of who you are, you are an inclusive, non-judgmental, powerful being. That is the truth of who you are, and I try my best to always relate to myself, and  others, from that truth.  So I will repeatedly remind you of the strength of Who You Are, in all of your vulnerability.  Try to wrap your head around that paradox– your strength lies in your vulnerability!  Actually you can’t get there through your mind, you can only experience through your heart.  That’s what Tonglen teaches you, through directly experiencing it. 

So how exactly does Tonglen work?  It’s very simple: 

  Breathe into your Heart, accepting the energy of what is,

     Breathe out of your Heart, radiating the energy of Loving Kindness. 

(The breathing can be done through your physical heart or your Heart Chakra) 

That’s it, sounds simple right?  Well it is simple until you find yourself in the middle of the room with “that person” that irritates you to no end, and you want to leave as fast as you can before his energy takes over you!   Guess what, his energy is already in you.  You are not separate from what’s around you.  There’s an illusion of something “out there”, and somehow you have a choice in whether or not you “take it in.”  You are already connected to “it”.  Tonglen simply allows you to acknowledge the truth of that.  Remember, harm comes to you from thinking you can separate yourself from what is.  If you stay in the truth that you are a part of everything, then your energy continues to flow, and everything moves through you.  It doesn’t get stuck unless you have a perception that it will, or that you are responsible for it, or that it is more powerful than you are. 

It can be helpful in the beginning, to intentionally practice Tonglen as a sitting meditation, so that you can really get the feel for it.  This will also give you the opportunity to find your own language in how your perceive it.  Some people think of the breathing in as types of textures, like hard, dark, cold, or constricting.  You can also breathe into the pure feelings of an experience, like loss, sadness or confusion.  It will not necessarily feel comfortable, but it will be real, authentic and honest in whatever is happening.  For the breathing out, you may think of it as breathing out space, air, lightness, openness, unconditional love, Grace or my favorite, simple loving-kindness.  You will feel vulnerable and open.  It won’t necessarily feel good. That’s okay, you’re in the truth of Who You Are.  You are strong enough to handle that now.  You are going to get to know your Heart Center, your Sacred Heart, your Core Essence in a very direct and powerful way.  Flow with it and trust that all is well, even if it doesn’t feel or look like it is. 

Here are some integrative actions you can practice:

1.  Start practicing Tonglen with yourself.  When you find yourself in some kind of self judgment, anger, or whatever doesn’t feel to be of your highest Self, practice Tonglen for yourself, and then expand into practicing it for all others who experience the same thing. 

2. Practice Tonglen for someone you care about. 

3. Practice Tonglen for a stranger. 

4. Practice Tonglen for an “enemy”. 

5.  Practice Tonglen for an unjust situation.  Use the news or a personal experience. 

6. Practice Tonglen for the sake of practicing Tonglen! 

7.  Ask for help and get support if you feel you need it.  This practice can bring up a lot of “stuff” for you. If you find yourself even more confused or overwhelmed as you practice this, please post a comment and I will get back to you with some support. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Pat Jones

Spiritual Teacher & Author

Founder of Healing Adventures

www.healingadventures.com

pat@healingadventures.com

6-FIGURE IRRESISTIBLE SPEAKING - Learn the Magical Speaking Success Formula to Tap into Your Personal Speaking Power, Easily Fill Your Live Events and Dramatically Increase Your Income with Speaking
Is 6-Figure Irresistible Speaking right for you? …

* Do you want to know how to create Outrageously Successful Presentation Results - financially, professionally and personally - that skyrockets your results?

* Are you ready to learn how to utilize speaking to help more people, monetize the power of your message and achieve your biggest dreams and visions.

* Do you want to know how to utilize speaking as a powerful way of creating more cash flow without spending a lot more time?

*  Do you see speaking as the vehicle to help even more people, however a habit of wondering if you will ever be good enough standing in your way? 

*  Are people loving your information during a presentation, however you can't figure out why they didn't invest in any of your programs or services?

When you attend the 6-Figure Irresistible Speaking workshop you will receive must have all ready "Done for You!" checklists, templates, scripts and more, so reserve your spot today and SAVE - Click Here.

How to Get a Good Night's Sleep
Mindfulness training & therapeutic yoga: optimal treatments for insomnia
By Madeline Ebelini 

I remember when chronic pain and obsessive worry kept me awake night after night. Typically, around 2 am, my mind was scanning the horizon like a lighthouse, searching for something to worry about. When it locked on it wouldn’t let go, mentally approaching the “problem” from every conceivable angle – until the alarm clock went off. Does this sound like you?  Are you exhausted day after day due to the inability to sleep? What would life be like if a good nights sleep was something you could count on? How about a life with more energy, better moods, improved concentration, and enhanced health? Sound good? 

Restful sleep is a foundation of good physical and emotional health.  But many people lie awake nightly, or have difficulty returning to sleep once awakened.  Sleep medications can produce unwanted side effects, including dependency. Medications can also lose effectiveness over time. Are there natural alternatives that are actually good for you, without side effects, the effectiveness of which increase over time? There are! 

Medical researchers are looking closely at mindfulness training and therapeutic yoga due to the substantial benefits they offer for insomnia as well as a host of other health, quality of life, and productivity concerns. Stress is a major cause of insomnia, but pain, anxiety, and depression – all magnified by stress – are also associated with sleeplessness. Researchers are studying why mindfulness training and therapeutic yoga offer such valuable relief for insomnia. 

Jeff Greeson, PhD, MS, clinical health psychologist at Duke University explains, “When we don’t know what to do with intrusive and persistent thoughts, the mind and body feel threatened. That signals the ‘fight or flight’ response which starts a cascade of sleep-robbing emotions like agitation and anxiety.” Greeson’s study of 151 sleep deprived adults, mostly women, who received 8 weeks of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) training in mindfulness techniques and gentle yoga, showed significant improvements in sleep quality, sleep disturbances, and less daytime sleepiness. “When people become more mindful they learn to look at life through a new lens. They learn how to accept the presence of thoughts and feelings that may keep them up at night. They begin to understand that they don’t have to react to them. As a result, they experience greater emotional balance and less sleep disturbance.” 

Stress is so pervasive today. People worry about the economy, their jobs, bills. “All that worrying, obsessing, and ruminating can increase the risk of illness and disease,” explains Greeson. “When the mind worries, the body responds.” The key, he says, is not to push those thoughts away, but to acknowledge them “That helps people manage their reaction to stress and anxiety and helps them remain calm.” 

Researchers at the University of California at San Diego compared mindfulness training with sleep medication in two groups. One received the 8-week MBSR program. The other was prescribed the sleep medication Lunesta™. The MBSR participants significantly reduced the time it took them to fall asleep, increased their total sleep time, reported no adverse events, and scored their satisfaction with treatment as high. Although the patients who received sleep medication obtained similar benefits, their treatment satisfaction scores were not high, most continued using sleeping pills, and several reported adverse events. Because MBSR producesno side effects, and the positive potential benefits of mindfulness extend far beyond sleep, the researchers encouraged people with insomnia, especially those unable or unwilling to use sleep medications, to consider mindfulness training with MBSR. 

This year a study by Duke University and Aetna compared mindfulness training with therapeutic yoga and found both to significantly improve sleep, stress, pain, and blood pressure. Researchers said mindfulness training reduces stress by teaching people how to significantly shift their attention to the present moment, with a curious and non-judgmental perspective. Viniyoga, the therapeutic form of yoga examined in this study, utilizes tools for managing stress, including “asanas” (physical postures of yoga), adaptation of asanas to suit the individual’s body, breathing techniques, guided relaxation, mental techniques, and education about starting a home practice. 

Mindfulness and therapeutic Viniyoga have dramatically improved the quality of my sleep, as well as virtually every aspect of my life. I would love to speak with you about incorporating these wonderful practices into your life! 

References

Mindfulness Training Improves Sleep Quality; Lessens Need for Sleep Medicines.Duke Medicine News and Communications. June 25, 2009.

Gross CR, et. al. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction v. Pharmacotherapy for Primary Chronic Insomnia: A Pilot Randomized Controlled Clinical Trial. Explore: The Journal of Science and Healing 7(2): 76-87, 2011.

Wolever, RQ, et. al. Effective and Viable Mind-Body Stress Reduction in the Workplace: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology. February 20, 2012. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Madeline Ebelini, MATP / RYT, founder of Integrative Mindfulness in Bonita Springs, Florida  holds a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology (MATP), and is a Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). She has completed professional training in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) with senior faculty at the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, including Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. She is currently in training with the American Viniyoga Institute, a contributing author in the upcoming book Women Living Consciously, and a member of the teaching faculty at eMindful.com where she teaches Mindfulness at Work. www.IntegrativeMindfulness.net (239) 390-1113.

Do you need more courage and more confidence in some part of your life?

Allow New York Times bestselling author Debbie Ford to guide you through a proven process for overcoming fear and unlocking the courage that resides within. When you experience this new kind of confidence and courage, you will be propelled into an infinitely beautiful and inspiring future.

Don’t miss Courage: Overcoming Fear & Igniting Self-Confidence. Get your copy today with valuable bonuses from the author.  http://bit.ly/HFyJr4