Powerful You! Women's Network

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP

The holidays are close.  Normally they are a time for family fun and celebration but when someone you loved has died, the season is painful and lonely.  When grieving we can feel completely overwhelmed with sadness.  We miss the loved person and we long for them.  “How can I make it through these days?” we ask.  “How will I survive?”

Here are some ways which have helped me to survive my many losses, particularly the death of my daughter, Katie.  Maybe they can help you, too.

Your Body ~ Rest; you have experienced monumental loss.  You are exhausted.  Go to bed an hour earlier and nap frequently.  Linger in the bathtub instead of taking a quick shower.  Eat nourishing foods.  Manage your sugar, caffeine, and alcohol intake; they affect mood.  Drink water and green tea for energy restoration.  Get a massage to remove toxins lodged deep within your muscles. Give and get as many hugs as you can; they do help console us. Walk briskly for 20 minutes every day; they elevate endorphins. Surround yourself often with the sound of children laughing.

Your Mind ~ Begin a new tradition; the old ones could make you even sadder. If you ritually prepared an elaborate sit-down meal, take a break this year and go to someone else’s home.  If you don’t have small children to attend to, simplify the decorations – an aromatic wreath on your front door, a manger, a menorah, a simple candle or lamb figurine on the table surrounded by a little holly is more than enough.

Your Spirit ~ Offer it compassion; you did a good job loving the departed person and trust the heavens that they are now safe and free. Be around those people whom you love and who love you; their presence will soothe your weary soul.  If you have a faith community, join them for support.  If not, consider finding one and go there to pray for peace, for faith, for grace, and for strength.  Some of us who grieve find comfort praying at the grave site or reading a personal letter we composed or just speaking to them.  Tears may come but let them; they open up heaven’s gates for laughter and hope.

In our family, when our three precious grandchildren stay overnight, we make pancakes in the ‘very’ early morning hours and talk about their ‘Aunt Katie.’  It’s a tender space for all of us when that veil between heaven and earth is thin. For me it feels as though my daughter Katie is right there in our midst.  I treasure this sacred time on a hundred levels.

Remember that your loved one’s spirit never dies.  If we can wrap our minds around that concept a quiet shift will enter our souls and we will remember that the Creator of a million lifetimes will guide us in our next step.  We will remember that our loved one is always with us as we are with them.  And yes, we will remember and acknowledge that our life is not the same without them and we know that we will miss them forever and that no one can replace them.  But we are grateful, so very grateful for having had the great blessing of them in our lives.  Forever.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP 
Professionally, I am a practicing Human Relations Counselor and a Certified Group Psychotherapist in the counseling field for 31 years.  I am on the board of the Philadelphia Area Group Psychotherapy Society and have a private practice at 30 South Valley Road, Suite 207, Paoli, PA 19301 - just 5 minutes from Route 252 South and Lancaster Avenue or a 5 Minute walk from the Paoli Train Station.  I am available by phone or in person. I am a Leader of Simple Abundance and Peace and Plenty Workshops and have ongoing Artist Way Groups.

I work with individuals, couples and groups to explore where people’s sadness or anxiety originates.  Sometimes it’s situational and sometimes it’s from pain or trauma from the families we grew up in.  I also work within religious communities. I work with adults 20 years and older.  My counseling is spiritually driven and clinically sound.  I am also an artist who believes we are all fellow travelers on a journey to discover our gifts and passions and to use them creatively, productively and meaningfully.

I am a grief specialist by clinical training and personal experience.  I lost a beautiful daughter to a brain tumor she managed for 10 years.  I have written about that experience and was published in Oct. 2008 by Simple Abundance Press, Sarah Ban Breathnach, Publisher who believes its message will make it the classic book on grief and hope after loss.  In January, 2009, foreign rights were contracted with St. Pauls and Better Yourself Books in Mumbai, India, English version.  It’s distribution is in India, Sri Lanka, The Philippines, Malaysia and Africa.  It is called When Every Day Matters: A Mother’s Memoir on Love, Loss and Life.

I would love to help you.  Call me for a 20 minute free consultation.
e-mail: maryjanebrant@gmail.com 
blog: www.mjhb.net

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